Thursday, March 25, 2010


So... I recently heard about a fascinating (and utterly inappropriate) job opportunity.

So I thought I'd post some of my strengths and weaknesses for whoever might be interested. Here goes:

• Slipping on flat dry surfaces
• Getting lost without freaking out
• Remembering birthdays, anniversaries, and random obscure holidays
• Acting interested when I’m actually bored to tears (though, conversely, I am terrible at feigning indifference – NO poker face whatsoever)
• Folding fitted sheets
• Guerilla ear-worming (Karma Chameleon, anyone?)
• Capturing and releasing spiders (or else leaving them be and naming them “Errol”)
• Untangling headphone wires
• Stating the obvious
• Wasting time


Do they matter? All that matters is:

Unfortunately, none of the highly marketable skills listed above matters a damn because I live in and adore Chicago and I don't think I'll ever move away (save for true love! )


Love to you all.

PS: Confidential to M - Dude! I finally caught your video diary from November and WTFuck were you wearing???? That stripey, furry coat thing made you look like an acromegaly-afflicted Ewok... Love you anyway!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Can't Sleep

I've been over-extended and exhausted (mostly mentally) for the past several days. So naturally I can't sleep.

This is a rare occurance for me. Usually I'm out for the count as soon as my head hits the pillow. But when I know I have to be up early for something (like a crazy early flight out of Midway) I find it difficult to fully enter the Land of Nod.

FKB knows this too. He curls up on my pillow and purr-purr-purrs right in my face. Real cute, but real annoying too.


So I finally dragged myself out of bed and am tooling around the internets. I'm so tired I can't stand myslef, but I know that I won't be able to fall asleep asleep unitl about a half hour before I have to get up - so what's the point?

Double sigh.

I can sleep on the plane (I hope) - with my luck I'll get a middle seat.

Triple sigh.

Oh well.

See you all on the flipside.


Monday, March 15, 2010

Bad Day(s)

I did not have a good weekend.

My plans with C fell through - he ended up having to work late into the night on Friday and then again on Sunday.

I had been looking forward to a nice leisurely weekend of getting to know one another better.

I was disappointed that this didn't happen, but I know that he's hella busy.

So instead I hung with my girls. A & A both got their first tattoos and it was fun to hang out at a tattoo parlor.

On a whim I texted B (the ex from this summer) b/c we've always been friendly and I know he was into tattoo (I also texted C) - but the response I got from B threw me. "Out with girlfriend" he told me.


Now, I wasn't even aware he was dating let alone at the point of "girlfriend" - a moniker I'm not sure I ever rated with him (he never used the word in my presence, anyway) and this completely threw me. I was shocked.

Granted - he's not my boyfriend and he hasn't been for several months. I have a new man and I certainly don't begrudge him moving on. He's a great guy and I hope he finds someone he can feel that *something* for.

But it threw me. And on top of my plans with C falling through... well.

But such is life. Nothing has really changed, just my view of it has shifted a bit.

Here's hoping for a much better weekend ahead, spent with family (girls' trip to the F.L.A!) and friends (woot!)

So if I'm not online much this week, don't worry. But if I'm not back in seven days, you might want to call the Orlando police about a creepy 7-foot tall mouse running around without pants....

Love to you all!



Thursday, March 11, 2010

My Boyfriend...

So, as most of you know, I'm usually pretty good at keeping my ridiculousness in check. Mostly...

Occasionally, though, it goes off the rails.

Case in point: I recently got it into my head that I should fly to London (LONDON, BABY!) for a friend's birthday party next month. This would consist of only two days actually on the ground in London (LONDON, BABY!) both of said days being booze-soaked and fraught with insanity.

I finally decided against this trip. For two reasons. 1) It would have swallowed up the last of my tax refund and 2) I'm too damned old to sleep on the floor

Compromise: Instead I'll plan a more sensible trip in the fall

On other issues, I'm not quite as rational (Hi, Rational! Miss you! Hope you're doing well in VEGAS, BABY!!!!) when it comes to men. Specifically imaginary men.

I typically have random "imaginary" boyfriends, The best part about the imaginary boyfriend is that I'm safe from things like breakups and clamidia. The worst part, is of course, the fact that he's *imaginary* (see how that works??)

Now, sometimes these imaginary boyfriends are actual people. No one I've met, just real men who are - for whatever reason - unavailable to me.

Right now, my imaginary boyfriend is Jason "Mayhem" Miller. He is so freaking adorable I can't stand it. I mean, I realize how ridiculous this is. First of all: He was born in the 80s. That's a deal breaker right there. Second: his head looks like a maxi-pad. Seriously, he's got this silly red stripe...

But I am seriously crushing on him these days. He's hot, funny, hot, articulate, hot...


Really, he's adorable...

Though... he does have to share me with my other imaginary boyfriend: Craig Ferguson. Swoon... Craig... Crap, I heart him so much. And I could listen to him talk all day!

And then there's my REAL boyfriend. Who is just as cute as Mayhem or Craig, smart, funny, and... eh hem... hung! (teeheehee!!!) Luckily, I'm pretty sure HE will find my ridiculousness absofuckinglutely ADORABLE! Because, let's face it, it IS!

Catch ya on the flipside!

PS: Is it TOO obvious that I've had half a pot of coffee this morning....?

Love you all!