First Impressions

I’m wrong a lot. But I try to learn from my mistakes.

It’s hard though, because deep down in my soul, I’m a little naïve and a lot gullible. But I can’t help but give people the benefit of the doubt.

When I meet people under bad circumstances, I assume there’s hope for a middle ground if we’re open and honest with one another and try to fid the root of our disagreements. Because I’m fine with disagreement – hell, I love a good spirited argument. As long as they’re done respectfully.

And there have been several times recently where I’ve given someone the benefit of the doubt and been not only disappointed, but left feeling betrayed.

And the opposite has also been true.

Take B. I think I judged him too soon and underestimated him.

When I first met him, I categorized him as “just a guy” – because he works blue-collar, likes beer and sports and thrash metal. I had this sort of two-dimensional image of him as this smart-ass dude who likes to work hard and play hard but has no real depth to him. I mean – he doesn’t even listen to NPR! ;p

But the more I get to know him, the more I am learning what a genuinely good person he is. He has his issues and faults (we all do) but so far none of them involve anything that would hurt anyone else. In fact, I’m finding that he’s a remarkably caring and selfless person.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s definitely not the sort of person who’ll let others walk over him and he’s pretty firm in his opinions. But he’s honest and funny and real and just GOOD.

And I think I might be falling….

Shit.

The Third Ring of Hell

I have seen the face of Hell and it is the American Girl Doll Store.

My parents, my sister, and I took Little E there two weeks ago. We rode the train downtown and I had to listen to my family bitch about the weather – as if it were my fault or some failing of Chicago itself that it was not 75º and Sunny – as we rushed the two blocks from the subway to Michigan Avenue.

All morning Little E had been asking “What are we doing today?”

EEE: We’re going shopping
Little E: But… what are we doing?
EEE: What do you mean?
Little E: You know how yesterday we went to the Museum? What are we doing today?
EEE: We’re going shopping
Little E: (frowning) But what SPECIAL thing are we doing today?
EEE: We’re not, honey. We’re just going shopping.
Little E: Oh.

I was, of course, lying shamelessly to her. (Is it wrong to play pranks of this sort on a 7yo?)

She had been chattering on endlessly about the American Girl Doll Store for weeks apparently. I’m not sure how she learned about it. I mean, she got a doll of Xmas, but I don't know how she found out about the Doll Mother Ship. I would think that her little friends are too young to have such an information network in place just yet, but I guess I’m wrong.

She brought her doll with her to Chicago, but we’d already told her that we weren’t going to go. She was pragmatic about this, assuming we'd do other fun stuff.

So when we approached the doors of the store, I stopped and said, “Hey, Little E, what store is that?”

She looked up at the sign and her eyes went big and round and then a frown marred her perfect little forehead.

Little E: But I didn’t bring my doll today!!
EEE: No? Uh oh! Maybe Grandma will go back and get it. Ask her.

My mother had been standing behind us and she’d already pulled out Little E’s doll from her voluminous bag.

I never saw a kid look so happy. We spent about two hours in that store. She took her doll to the “Salon” to get her hair coiffed (can you imagine if that were your job? Styling doll hair all day?) and she picked out a new outfit. We had told her going in that she could get one – ONE – new outfit and she was very serious in her decision-making process.


Luckily there were benches available for Dads and Grandfathers (and jaded Aunties) to rest their barking dogs. Luckier still, the Café had scheduled seatings and 12:30 and 2:30 and we were there too late for the first and too early for the next. I think my father’s head would have imploded if he’d been forced to sit through a meal at which a $100 doll was seated to his right.

Of course, before we left, Grandpa had to surprise Little E with a little red “doll tote” (shoulder bag) that he thought was cute and practical. (He’s such a phony!)

All in all, it wasn’t that bad. There were a monkey ton of little girls there but they were all remarkably well-behaved. They were patient and quiet and there was very little running around.

So it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

But they don't sell American Girl Beer, in case you were wondering. I know: I asked.

NOT PREGNANT!!!

I've never been so happy to ruin a pair of panties!!!

:D

Not Late... Yet

I'm so stoopid.

I'm not even late yet and I took extra measures, but I'm still obsessing about the "condom mishap"

The thing is, I'm not late. But I'm not early either.

And I've been about three to four days early every month for the past six months. I've found it incredibly annoying. And now that it hasn't happened, I'm starting to worry (just a little) about what it might mean.

Of course, it very likely means NOTHING! (Just like every other thing I obsess about!)

But it's sometimes very hard for my rational side to control my spazz side.

I'm not to the point where I'm ready to pee on a stick - Hell it's too early anyway. But my brain is constantly reviewing all the potential scenarios. Oy.

And I would hate Hate HATE to have to lay this at B's door right now. He lost his job on Friday. (I'm fairly certain that I am unlucky to those around me - my best friend's basement flooded on Friday and another friend was diagnosed with an ulcer)

It's most-likely nothing. But I've never wanted to get my period so badly in my whole life.

Plan B

So I'm in a much much better mood today.

I was nearly unbearable when I left work yesterday. Aside from the Topix drama, I had a headache, a project I've been slaving over has been experiencing on-going and frustrating technical difficulties, and the zipper on my favorite pants broke (I had to use a safety pin!)

And I was annoyed because B had just told me he'd be out of town this weekend. Grrr! I couldn't see him last weekend b/c of my family and then he was working his second job all this week and now the coming weekend was shot. Dammit!

But, by some miracle, he was free last night and we were able to spend the evening together!

:D

I was still a little pissy when I got to his place, but he soon had me laughing and smiling and relaxing (I'm sure the G&Ts he was mixing me didn't hurt!)

We had a lot of fun. A LOT of fun.

There was only one thing to mar our lovely evening.

We had a... shall we say... prophylactic mishap.

Eeeeek!!!!

Now, I've been PMSing for two days and we're fairly certain none of his little fuckers escaped, but neither of us is willing to take the chance.

So I trotted over to CVS this morning and purchased Plan B. If you're not familiar with it, Plan B is a high does of levonrgestrel, a common birth control hormone. I took one this morning and will take a second 12 hours later.

It's $50! (Eeeek!) but WAY better than the alternative (Double EEEK!) as unlikely as that alternative may be. I am living proof that the "Rhythm Method" does not work, so I'll choose B.

Side effect may include: nausea, dizziness, headache, stomach ache, breast tenderness, shorter/longer/later/earlier/lighter/heavier periods.

What the side effects do NOT include are 40+ years of child rearing with a man I've only known for about two months!

So I'll take B!

Heartbroken

My heart is breaking.

It doesn't help that I'm seriously PMSing right now, but something very precious is being ripped apart and all I can say is that I am heartbroken.

A year ago next month, we created a lovely thread on Topix called the Introvert Quorum. We chatted about our boring introverted lives. We chatted, mixed each other imaginary drinks, shared good news and bad. It was a warm and supportive place.

Occasionally, a troll would pop in. We would ignore it and it would get bored and go away.

Then, a reg or two would pop in. We would acknowledge them, scold them for bothering us and they would go away.

Then another reg would pop in and then another. Only now when we would ask them to leave, they would argue - kicking up a fuss. We became frustrated and started spending less time in sweet companionship and more time annoyed by the invaders.

And then our IQ thread was pulled. For absolutely no reason. We were heartbroken but not defeated. We created a new Introvert Room - but it had the same problems as the first.

So we created an alternate Introvert Offshore thread, away from the Tribune pages, while leaving the Introvert Room thread active to act as a decoy. We thought this would solve our problems.

But alas...

We felt free in our new space to discuss the issues in our lives, including personal issues with other posters. Should we have discussed other posters in that forum? No. But we were shocked when that exact poster showed up and started posting on our "secret" Introvert thread.

I lost it. I was enraged that this person - who I had always been friendly with - could show such blatant disrespect for our wishes. And I was not alone. Several of the innies joined me in my ire. A flamewar began and burned over Topix and Facebook and onto my blog.

I posted a letter to this person, apologizing for my ititial over-reaction to his posting, but have never once received an apology for the nasty things he has said to me. In his eyes, he is blameless. He has even thrown my apology back in my face, claiming it was nullified by the actions I was apologizing for.

Buh?

I do something I regret.
I sincerely apologize for it.
But my apology is meaningless because of the the thing I did in the first place.

Someone explain that to me.

Anyway. So We hash things out - I assume. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone. Until, out of nowhere, he posts a snarky email about A - on a thread that she isn't even arguing on! - and I become angry again, asking him why he can't leave it alone. The flamewar erupts again.

We do some things that perhaps we should not have done but we were pushed too far by this person who acts like we are unreasonable and "too touchy" when most of us know the truth about him and the disgusting things he has done.

His response: to out our most recent secret Introvert thread.

Now the ONLY way he could have found this is to have gone looking for it. This is a seriously disturbing action by a man who has already shown his obsession for a certain member of our group.

And now the group seems to be falling apart.

And my heart is breaking.

And I hope this asshole is happy.

Unrest

Backup! I’m about to get political again.

I’m very disturbed by the situations in Iran and N. Korea right now. They’re just rife with the potential to explode all over us – almost literally.

I harbor no illusions that the “re-count” in certain disputed polling places in Iran will have any impact on the election results other than to allow Amademajad to later use the re-count as further evidence of his supposed win.

What I find interesting is President Obama’s restraint. I have never been a huge fan of the man, though I do really like his emphasis on diplomacy over force and I really liked his Cairo speech a couple weeks ago.

As always, he has been very careful with his words in the last few days – condemning the violence but praising the protests themselves as the basic human right of people to voice their opinions peacefully.

John McCain has already stepped forward, suggesting that Obama has not been harsh enough with Amademajad and his government.

Hmmm….. Let’s think about this shall we? Amademajad hates the United States. He hates a lot of things, actually and has actively campaigned on an anti-Western platform. Fine. That’s his right. We can’t all agree. And let’s face it: they have reason to dislike us.

He has long complained about the United States’ interference in Middle Eastern affairs. It’s one of his favorite topics.

So, if Mr. Obama were to come over all forcefully chastizy and condemny, we’d be giving Amademajad exactly what he wants. He’d be able to say “SEE!!! I told you the Evil United States is trying to take over Iran just as they took over Iraq and Afghanistan!”

So it’s a fine line that Mr. Obama needs to balance on. He needs to promote human rights and a fair electoral process while being supportive of a sovereign nation’s right to manage its own affairs. And so far he’s doing a pretty good job of it. I hope he keeps it up.

As for North Korea…. I don’t have a crystal ball and I’m pretty bad at predicting the future, but I would not be surprised if someone on “our” side (like…. Biden) were to push Kim’s buttons just enough to force Kim to mount a face-saving isolated attack (probably against South Korea or a U.S. vessel) and then we’d be “free” to stage a full-on invasion of North Korea with the magical “They Struck First” card clamped tightly in our fists.

I hope I’m wrong. I hope our powers of diplomacy are stronger than the combined egos that are running amok here.

Open Letter - Part 2

So, apparently my original apology in my first Open Letter has been deemed pointless due to the enormity of my original transgression.

And apparently, you yourself are lily white and pure and above reproach in this entire exchange. Forget your continued stalking and digs at A. Forget your harping on about my lack of "original thought." Forget everything you may have contributed to this situation.

Not only are you unwilling to accept my apology for my actions - you continue to dredge it up and throw it back in my face.

You have no class.

The Question

Hehehe…

My sister has a fun conversation to look forward to.

She was visiting this weekend along with our parents and her daughter, Little E, who will be eight years old in August and just finished second grade.

Little E is freaking adorable. She’s quite a good little gymnast (won 3rd Place in the All-Around at Nationals last week) is an avid reader (finished the “chapter book” she brought with her to my place so I gave her my copy of “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe” and she’s burning through it!) and she’s hella curious about EVERYTHING.

We went to the “Real Pirates” exhibit at the Field Museum which tracks the history of a ship that started as a slaving vessel, became a pirate ship, sank, and was recovered despite the fact that it was buried beneath 30 feet of sand.

Little E was quite somber and serious as she viewed the shackles and branding needles and saw the schematics of how people were shoved into the cargo hold of this ship.

“But WHY?” she asked, her little forehead furrowed into a frown.
“People will do horrible things for money,” we told her.

She’s beginning to ask ever-harder questions now and she had a doozy for my sister the other night.

We had just finished watching “Bride Wars” which wasn’t as dismal as I’d thought it would be and she started to ask Jo about when “you and Daddy got married”

Uh oh.

Jo never married the Waste of Space. It was the one smart thing she ever did in regards to him. The kids know that their Mommy and Daddy don’t live together – they haven’t since E-man was less than a year old.

Jo, not one to lie to her spawn, told her: “Your Daddy and I were never married.”
Little E: (indignant) Yeah you were!
Jo: No.
Little E: (frowning in 7yo consternation) But… But then how were we born?
Jo looked at us helplessly and I couldn’t prevent a smug little smile.

She managed to deflect The Question with some strategically offered ice cream, but she won’t be able to deflect it. That’s the way it is with kids and their questions. They don’t go away.

Invasion

Eeeek!

I'm being invaded today!

(And not in a fun, dirty way!)

My family is coming to visit. My parents, my sister Jo, and Little E.

The E-man is staying with his other grandparents for the weekend. We've told him he can visit after he finishes kindergarten next year.

I love my family. I love them a lot. And my apartment is the perfect size for one person. Two bedrooms and one bath is just fine for a single woman with two cats.

But it becomes pretty tight when three more adults and a child descend.

So... I'm trying to not stress out about this. I'm planning to hit the gym each day to get a couple hours alone (and perhaps use the shower)

And I'm going to look at visiting The American Girl Doll MegaStore as an "experience" and try not to lose my nut.

Sigh.

Wish me luck!

Draft

I finished the first draft of my novel!

Happy dance!

It needs a LOT of revision and rework, but IT’S DONE!!!!

It has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

It’s not the first novel I’ve written but it’s by far the best (though that isn’t saying too much!)

But still! It’s done!!!

Yippee!!!

Social Butterfly

Ugh. So lately I've had to be a bit of a social butterfly. And you KNOW how much I'd rather be a quiet little moth.

My dear friend Sara, who is a raging extrovert, was in town this weekend and we ran the whole gamut - shopping, dining, drinking, and helped our mutual friend host a party.

EEE tired.

Luckily, she stayed with my best friend instead (her place is bigger and she, too, is an extrovert) so I was able to escape to my own home each night to recuperate.

Except last night.

Last night I escaped to B's place. Can't complain about that!

I'm having a lot of fun there. He's irreverent and sweet and a damned good kisser and I really enjoy his company. It helps that he is a fellow introvert and we each recognize the other's need for innie time!

:D

Swamped

Bella recently asked if I was abandoning Topix for good.

NO!

I'm just really busy right now and don't have a lot of time to devote to it.

As far as I'm concerned, the recent issue is resolved. Bridges that probably needed to be burnt are now ash and can be swept away.

I'm around, just swamped.

That said, the innie room probably won't come back to Topix. I think we learned that even if you don't go looking for trouble, if it really wants to it'll find you.

Round Two

Round 2 Officially goes to ME!

BG: 1 EEE: 1

The Black Ghost is my “other” cat. She’s small, black, and feral. And I, being a first class chump, agreed to adopt her several years ago.

She’s generally a sweet kitty, but she’s very cautious of me (and any other human) which means that I cannot pick her up and can only pet her on her terms (usually when I’m on the sofa with a computer on my lap)

Saturday morning, I came back from the gym and sat down on the couch with a cup of coffee and checked my email. A few moments later, BG was there at my sides, demanding scratchies. I pet her absently, not really noticing that her face was a little wet.

A moment later, she yowled at me. Not her usual “Pet Me!” mew or her “I’M STARVING! FEED ME, BITCH!” yell. This yowl sounded a bit distressed and I turned to look at her in surprise.

Her right eye was completely swollen closed and was weeping clear liquid (tears?)

Grabbing her to get a closer look was out of the question. I called the vet, and while they thought it *might* be just a cold – especially since she was otherwise acting normally – but they’d really like me to bring her in. They had a 1pm appointment available if I could catch her.

If I could catch her. Hahaha! In the four years I’ve been her servant, I’ve never been able to single-handedly catch this cat. One time three years ago a vet and vet tech came to the house and were able to corral her – with a certain amount of blood being drawn from the very good-natured tech.

But when I tried to trick her into her cage several months ago using veal-flavored baby food (cats LOVE that shit) she proved to be both smarter and faster than me.

But not this time.

I closed Fluffy Butt in the bedroom, knowing that BG was eating in the other room and not wanting her to get under the bed. And then, while she was standing outside the bedroom door, inspecting the ruckus Fluffy was making, I noticed that she was also very close to the bathroom door. On a whim, I moved towards her and she backed up. Before she realized she’d penned herself, I shut the door and had her.

From there it was simple. Let her stew in there for a few minutes and then came back with a bit of baby food. The cat was sitting in the bathtub. Perfect! I gave her the food, and as soon as her attention was diverted, I grabbed her with a beach towel, shoved her into her top-loading carrier and done.

And I didn’t get a scratch on me!

The vet sedated her, washed her poor swollen eye, gave her pain meds (a shoulder patch that will fall off in a few days) gave me steroids, antibiotics and eyedrops (yeah, that’s gonna happen!) gave her her shots, examined her from head to tail, clipped her nails (free of charge!) and called me after only 15 minutes.

I guess it’s pretty easy to examine even a wild kitty once she’s been knocked unconscious!

And, $400 later, she’s home and doing better. I need to keep an eye on her eye, but she seems pretty content. And I’m getting no complaints about her meds (seriously, cats love baby food!) If her eye isn’t a lot better tomorrow, I’ll have to bring her in again.

We’ll see if I can duplicate that. Like I said, she’s smarter than me. I doubt she’ll let me corner again. Hopefully I won’t have to.