Sunday, October 11, 2009

Back in the Pool

So B and I broke up tonight.

It wasn't any great shock for me. It had been building for a while. His schedule was becoming an issue for me, as was the fact that I felt he wasn't making enough effort to make time for me. I wasn't feeling like a priority in his life.

The situation was starting to make me feel bad about me and I can't do that. I won't do that. I've played the junior partner in relationships before and I'm not interested in going there again.

It finally came to a head this weekend.

I went to see him - knowing that things had to change... or end.

It was so hard. And remarkably easy.

He knew why I was there. We'd both seen it coming. So, before I could drag out the little speech I'd prepared ("I really really like you - so much! - but this isn't working for me") he told me that he just wasn't feeling what he wanted to feel.

It wasn't what I wanted to hear - who wants to hear that the guy she likes doesn't like her back? but he was honest and kind about it. And it was obviously tearing him up. He was visibly upset at the thought of hurting me.

But you just can't force a feeling that just isn't there.

In the end, we hugged, we kissed, we wished each other good luck.

And then I left.

This isn't what I wanted. It isn't what he wanted. But it's what had to happen.

I'm sad. I'm very very sad.

But I'm not heartbroken. I've had my heart broken before and I know what's that feels like and this isn't heartbreak.

But I'm disappointed. And sad.

But I'll be OK.

13 comments:

Jay_Lee said...

I love you honey and I'm sorry that it happened like this but I'm glad that it didn't drag out. (hugs)

Nova said...

Sorry to hear it, sweetie. But take from it what it was, and move on. Good for you for sticking to what you needed out of a relationship and not settling for being second fiddle. You are first chair all the way, don't settle for less!!!

Angelique said...

EEE, I'm so sorry and I second what Nova said.

Roo said...

I'm sorry to hear that, but it seems like you both were very mature. Break-ups like that are a bit easier to handle (IMO), but it still sucks. {{{hugs}}}

Angela said...

E3, I had a guy say that to me after four months ("I don't feel like I should feel after four months") and I thought it was the most respectful, honest, and kind way to end things. How many people pull out the goofy lines at that point, thinking they're sparing the other person's feelings?

I know it sucks and it hurts, but it shows that you can choose good ones -- guys who are honest and have integrity, and that says a lot about your taste in men!

shane said...

EEE,

I'm sorry you're going through this. As Angela says on her blog, "The only thing that sucks more than dating...is not dating"

I know you'll do well - it's just that getting from here to there isn't always fun.

shane

Jess said...

Breaking up almost always sucks, though it sounds like this was as close to a "good" break up as you can get. Still, I'm sorry that it didn't work out :(

ITA with Nova's comments. You are awesome.

Been There said...

So sorry to hear it, EEE, and I wish you all the best.

Bella said...

Oh EEE, I just read this and am sorry! I agree with everyone here. {{{{{hugs}}}}}}

cycle003 said...

If I wasn't already married....

Terri said...

I think that speaks volume of your taste in men, in your ability to know when things have run their course, and to know when it's time to move on.

Although it's sad at the moment -- wow, the possibilities in front of you.

(P.S. My word verification was "goshers" -- I'm going to have to use that at some point.)

EEE said...

*sniff*

I love you guys!!!

You're all wonderful and I'm so incredibly lucky to have you in my life!!!!

Thanks!!!!

CeeKay1 said...

We love you, too! I mean that. We have a close, ragtag group here and it is amazing how supportive everyone is. We're here for you, however you need. :-)