I'm going to hell. Straight to hell.
When I got to work this morning, one of my coworkers was out sick.
Coworker#1: Coworker#2 is sick.
Coworker#3: Yeah, I guess his cold is really bad.
CW#1: Colds really hit him hard.
CW#3: I come to work even when I have a cold.
CW#1: Me too.
Me: (laughing) Some people just aren't as hardcore as you guys. I know when my dad is sick, he turns into a great big baby.
Me: This is EEE.
Mom: Hi, EEE. It's Mom.
Me: Mom! Hi! What's up?
Mom: Now, I don't want you to worry*
*WHY do parents do this???? She might as well have shouted: WORRY! WORRY NOW!!! WORRY A LOT!!!
Me: What! What is it? What's wrong???
Mom: Nothing, nothing. I don't know if you knew, but your father went in for surgery this morning.
Mom: Now, don't worry, it was just a follow-up to those tumors he had removed last month.
Me: Tumors?! Surgery?! Last month?? WHAT!
Mom: Oh. Didn't I mention?
Me: No! No, you did not.
Mom: Oh. Well, your father had surgery last month to remove some small tumors from his bladder. They were benign, but the doctor wanted to get rid of them.
Me: (taking long, steadying breaths) OK. So they're gone??
Me: They're NOT gone???
Mom: It looks like they've come back.
She went on to explain that these tumors are common in former smokers, especially men, even if they quit years ago. (Nova!!!) And even though they're benign, the doctors are going to do a 6-week round of Chemo.
Is there as scarier word in all the world???
To be fair, the doctors have been very very clear that this is preventative, that my father does NOT have - eek! - Cancer. And apparently it's going to be Chemo-lite. He can drive himself there and drive himself home. It's administered locally (I don't even WANT TO KNOW!!!) and following the procedure he has to bleach out the toilet the first time he uses it.
And there I was, calling my dad a "great big baby" probably at the exact minute they were wheeling him out of surgery.
Yep. Straight to hell.
I love you, Daddy! Be better soon!!!