Monday, May 19, 2008

Small in the Game

My nephew, the E-man, turned four this weekend. I didn't go home for the party and frankly, I doubt he missed me. Anyway, right before his birthday, my mother took him to the doctor for his annual physical.

The E-man pees a lot. I mean, a LOT a lot. More than any little kid I've ever seen. So, my sister wanted my mother to ask the doctor about diabetes. Well, of course the little guy couldn't provide a sample at the doctor's office, so my mom was sent home with a specimen cup. but the doctor didn't think it was diabetes.

This is a phone convo that my sister relayed to me:

Jo: How was the E-man's appointment? Was he good?
Mom: He's always a good boy.
(Note: My mother suffers from a common grandparental bias, namely selective memory)
Jo: Good. What did the doctor say about all the peeing?
Mom: We'll get a sample tonight, but the doctor doesn't think it's diabetes.
Jo: Oh. That's good. What does she think it is?
Mom: She thinks he has an abnormally small penis.
Jo: WHAT?!?!?

OK, so my reaction was pretty much the same as Jo's: WHAT?!?!? How can a four year old have an "abnormally small" anything? I've seen a fair number of junior Mr. Bills in my time (I did a lot of baby-sitting in my teens) and the E-man's is no different from all the rest – they all look like little frogs.

But still! My thought is: That's HORRIBLE!! I mean, there's no fixing a thing like that, no matter how many miracle cures you order from Mexico!

Well. Yeah.

So. I love my mom. She's the best. But she's a little deaf and she gets a little tired of asking people to repeat themselves so a lot of the time she sort of gets the gist of what someone is saying and then guesses on the rest. Usually, this works just fine. Usually.

Jo immediately called the doctor and it turns out that the E-man does NOT have an "abnormally small" winkie. The doctor thinks he has a narrow urethra. NOT the same thing. One requires minor surgery to correct, the other requires years of therapy and some mad skills later in life.

Whooo! *EEE wipes her brow in relief*

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I used to work for someone who helped the Joffrey Ballet get started in Chicago. That was way back -- in 1979 I think. Or some such. Long time ago. I went to see the Joffrey Ballet back in the early '80s. Sadly, I haven't gone back. Perhaps b/c I'm cheap, I don't know. No one else has given me free tickets, although I'd pay but I'm not sure who would actually want to go. I love all that stuff too. It's the theater, the people, the dance, the feeling.