OK, so about three weeks ago Amy Dickinson ran a column about a dude who was trying to reconcile with his wife but she wouldn't give up her bit on the side and said that hubby didn't love her right.
Well, my e-crush, Rational, had some... interesting advice for this man.
***WARNING!!! The following should be read in a warm bath with a glass of pinot!***
LW1: I dont know why but I get the feeling that your wife doesnt' take you seriously.
Maybe its because you are as wimpy in the sack as you are here in your letter. Your wife is probably longing for a man who will show her "who's in charge". You aren't loving her right!
Here's a little advice if you want to make things work out: Next time you two get together to talk things out take the opportunity to love her right. What I mean by that is lower your voice and let your commands roll like the thunder with deep bass. Don't back down, then, when she gets up to leave you get up too, grab her by the waist and pull her to you like the little raga muffin she is. Put your mouth to her ear and tell her that instead of worrying about her lovin you are going to show her what you expect from now on....then spin her around and bend her over the couch......grab her by the back of her head, grab her hair, real close to scalp and give it a nice steady tug while you grope her with your other hand, then as soon as she moans, rip her panties off and tell her that its time to pay the piper for being such a naughty girl.
Once you are done and she is still quivering like a bowl of jello on a washing machine tell her in a very calm and cool voice, right in the back of her ear, from behind that you know she will do exactly what you ask of her to make things work out.
Then when she agrees, slap her on her ar se and tell her you are both hungry and thirsty and that she better get her fannie in the kitchen and make you a sandwich if she wants some more good lovin!
*EEE wipes the drool from her chin and attempts to get some work done today...*